No, this is not a post about a boy group, but yes it is a post about a group of boys.
Boys to Men, a Man to men talk by #StrictMotivation
I am talking about the importance of talking Man to men. There is an image out there, that boys will be boys, or how being a bad boy is something to aspire for. The ‘boys will be boys’ statement is a resign, to the fact that boys often act immature compared to their female peers of the same age. It has some to do with brain development but quite a lot of it is not physiology. It is in fact socialization and behavioral issues. Similar, but far worse in its effects is the insinuation, that bad boys score first, or are somehow something to aspire for.
I have never bought into these theories. I have always aspired to become a Man. I have been socialized in a society that very much resembled the values of the free world’s 1950s in many ways though I have been growing up in the 1970s growing up behind the iron curtain, where the anti-authoritarian emancipation of the mid to late 1960s never happened, and where “spoiling a child” by letting them get away with bad behaviors were quite the exception and heavily frowned upon.
Part of that norm was that discipline is actually something natural, and that elders will be respected. That when you misbehave you have punishment coming you will detest, thus making the effort to get your act together rather sooner than later. What you learned as a boy, was that anyone, virtually anyone (regardless of social rank or gender identity) who was in any sort of authority position could and would discipline you, if you misbehaved according to their standards.
A side effect of that was, that “boys will be boys” was not at all a valid excuse, neither uttered by overwhelmed parents, let alone by the boyish culprits! What is more, you also aspired to become – as soon as possible – a respectable part of society, and to not be a boy but in fact become a young man. Becoming a real, aka grown Man of character was the goal: becoming a Good Man was what we boys aspired for.
While bad boys may have some appeal from a rebellious point of view, they had no appeal to us boys. we did not aspire to become antisocial outlaws, because we had learned how rebellion and defiance are met with unwavering, corrective, firm discipline. We had quite nicely embraced, that even though it may have sucked at the time, there was no viable alternative to being a good man. Because by being a good man you would have the chance finding yourself a fine woman, and get her parents blessings to start your own family. And so the idea of “bad boys score first” was no assumption we made.
Especially now, when we can see where male driven egocentric chauvinism has lead society, how misogyny and oppression still come blowing up into any oppressors face, where now those very “rebels” become the out-lawed, we should understand, as guys, that the #metoo movement is a chance for us, too. #metoo! means that I too want to be freed from an ideology dictate, that mistreating women, or other people in exploitable positions was somehow OK, cool or even a way to go.
I too, want to be freed from a dictate, that boys should grow into bad boys, meaning becoming despicable members of society! No, there is literally no need for bad people in the world. The world is complex and difficult and hard enough without a group of cowards hiding behind some assumed privilege created by their wiener like genitalia, or other such superficial traits, including a role in a life-style you assume, come on!
That, which is true for the macro-cosmic world and society as a whole equally is true for the micro-cosmos called BDSM community, and our subculture or the life-style. We are still the same human kind on the same planet. And just because you were given physical advantage does not mean you are destined to misuse it to cause anguish, undue harm and disaster! Men have been created as more aggressive or physically stronger in order to protect and provide, not to mistreat and abuse. Being a good Man was and is the goal still. Being a good, safe and ethical Dominant is what separates Good Men from bad boys.
Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do, what you gonna do when they come for you!
People who know Me, know that I am quite tolerant and accept boys, girls and any gender in between or outside the CIS norm, because people are people. I don’t condemn people by the color of their skin, form of their sex, or preference of partners. I base My judgment on their behavior and their character.
I am a caretaker, both as a disciplinarian as well as a life coach, and I take boys under My wing too. And if someone wants to be or stay a boy, I am just as fine with it, as I am with another person wanting to be or stay a girl.
But if you want to be a bad boy, you should get ready for a bumpy ride. Because I will not be having that level of dysfunction under My wings. Being a bad boy is unwanted bad behavior, and I will oppose it vehemently. I will punish bad boy ways in ways the bad boy will detest. There is nothing sexy about being a misbehaved, misguided male person. And there is no valid excuse that will fly. Bad boys get severely punished in very unpleasant, un-sexy ways.
I am equal opportunity and very fair like that. I treat bad boys as I would bad girls. If you want to be a boy, and do boyish things, as long as you are aspiring to being a good boy, an actually well behaved young man, we will get along just fine. But cross the line to bad boying and you will wish you had never had that inclination!
Because I believe in old school values. #StrictMotivation